Song of the Day: Family Affair by Mary J. Blige
One of the hardest parts of living with chronic conditions is the fact that it forces you to reassess who your real friends are. As someone who spent much of her young-adulthood surrounded by "friends," this was a particularly bitter pill to swallow. As my condition worsened, most of these friends drew further and further away from me. Some automatically assumed that I was either faking or exaggerating because I "didn't seem sick." Others accused me of being flaky when I would have to cancel appointments at the last minute. Eventually, everyone just stopped calling. At the time, the stress of having to pretend to be okay or deal with their assumptions and lies sent me on a downward spiral of pain and depression. There are also those people whom I deliberately cut out of my life because their friendships were toxic and taking a toll on my health. In still other cases, I cut people out simply because I didn't have the time or energy to spend on maintaining their friendships.
Today, I only keep a very small number of friends around me. I really liked the picture (below) when I saw it, but the quote isn't entirely accurate. My best friends are people who have been there for me unconditionally, but they are also the ones that have known me the longest.
My female best friend, let's call her Linda, is someone I have known since I was four years old. She knows everything about me, which comes in handy on the days when my cognitive symptoms are really bad and I can barely remember anything. Our friendship is one that defies description. We can go for months without talking, and I will still know that I can pick up the phone and call her, and it will be like we never stopped talking. There will be no recriminations of "How could you not call me on my birthday?" or "Why don't you ever call me?" She knows that I would if I could, and if I don't, it's because I can't. And that understanding is the greatest gift she could give me.
My male best friend, let's call him Joe, is someone I have known since I was twelve years old. He is the reason why I am a big believer in platonic friendships and the need to have one BFF that is of the opposite sex. He has been my date to work functions, we've traveled together (a lot), and he will come and take me out for ice cream in the middle of the night when I can't sleep. He was the last person to hug me before I walked down the aisle with my dad. We've been to weddings, funerals, and lots of parties together. He is always on my side, but he also gives me tough love when I need it.
While I have other friends that I love and am close to, these are the two people who are my go-to support people. Every person who struggles with a chronic illness should have at least one such person in his or her life. I consider myself doubly blessed because I have two such people.
The one thing I'd like to point out to anyone who is struggling with a chronic condition is that you can't always blame those who don't stick around. This is a bumpy road that we're on and you can't blame those who don't want to come along for the ride. The only thing you can do is buckle up and hold on tight to anyone who does join you.
If someone in your life is struggling with a chronic condition, try not to judge. Check out articles like the one below to gain a better understanding of what's helpful and what's not.
